On Birthdays and being old

I'm officially an american adult now. Fully righted. Fully capable of destroying my credit, my health, my relationships, my life, no longer able to hold onto that feeble shield of immaturity. Not that I've reached any level of maturity. But Maybe I'm closer.

Got to have a commemorative photo of that, right? So this is it. This is my official edge of the brink picture. I'm set at a good spot. I could become something. Not anything amazing, or newsworthy, or memorable even. But a Something. Or I could take everything I have and just let it settle to the bottom, content with having been able to say 'Well, if I wanted to, I could have been something but I CHOSE not to.'

I've made that very choice twice in the last six months. I've been picked to be a leader, told that I had that 'something'. And I've turned that opportunity down because...If you never try you can't fail.

This picture is a promise to myself.

Because from here on out I'd rather fail than refuse to try. Because refusing to try is refusing to feel and refusing to feel is the same as dying and I have chosen LIFE. I don't 'care how emo that sounds, how self-absorbed. Everyone is self-absorbed sometimes. I am choosing to live this life and I want to feel and experience every ounce of fear, pain, happiness, anxiety, thrill, exhilaration that can be squeezed out of it.

That is all. Thank you for your time. And Hi!!!!